Shopping is Exercise....Really?!?

People who don't have a weight problem rarely understand what it is like to be someone like myself. I guess this probably goes without saying, but someone who has been blessed with a wonderful metabolism or doesn't really care all that much about food just can't understand what it is like to have to watch every little thing you put in your mouth.
My wonderful aunt came to stay with me and Nathan for a little over a week. My aunt is 57 and wears a size 10 or 12-- and she likes her clothing to fit big. She is in fantastic shape for any age, but especially for someone her age. She loves to eat, but doesn't gain weight. Her husband is quite large, and her and I have always been close, so she definitely is compassionate towards people who are heavy and/or trying to trim down. BUT she has no idea what it takes for someone like me to lose a pound, let alone 52!
She thinks exercise is walking through the mall. For me to get exercise I feel proud of, I need to spend an hour on the elliptical!
She thinks splitting a piece of cake at lunch is not eating dessert.
And she LOVES to eat out--- doesn't even have to be great restaurants where you can order healthfully, she just likes going out to eat.
Lastly, she's a food pusher. I obviously don't need anyone telling me to eat, but she'll order an appetizer and say, "go ahead, we'll split it. Here, take more." It's so hard for someone like me to say "NO" to an entire week of this!
I did really well the first half of the week, but the second half was a struggle. I succumbed and took half of the Black Forest cake at lunch-- but I only ate half of my half and salted the rest so I wouldn't eat any more. Strategies like this helped.
And then there is the fact that my body rebels now when I overeat! I feel sick if I eat too much-- just nauseous and not at all pleasant. Also, if I'm eating unhealthy foods, I just don't feel GOOD. I get all bloated and indigestion. It's gross-- all I want to do is lie down. I am pleased that my body literally can't take the junk food anymore. I must be doing something right if my body rebels when I eat something fried or eat out too many meals. I found I like feeling GOOD too much to put all that crap into my body.
I love my aunt, but I was happy when her visit ended because I wanted to get back on track with my eating and exercise. Even Nathan felt badly from the eating out! We must be doing something right if we are excited to get back on our plan!
And we've been back on our plan for three full days now, doing wonderful!
My latest weight was 260! Hurray! Pretty soon I'll be in the 250's and closer to 200 than 300!

History of My Fat

Probably my earliest recognition that I was heavier than the other kids my age was when I was five. I remember being in a store with my mom and running into one of my kindergarten girlfriends, also with her mom. Mom was speaking with the other girl’s mom and they were discussing the “weighty” issue of controlling their daughters’ (our) chubbiness. My friend’s mother was raving about how they were buying a two-piece swimsuit for my friend because she had slimmed down some. I was five and wanted desperately to wear a two-piece, but mom would not allow it. To this day, I’ve never worn a two-piece! I heard Mom talking about how she was trying to motivate me to lose weight, and I remember thinking to myself: “oh, so I’m fat?”

My childhood is full of such memories. My mom was tall and thin when I was young, but my dad was always heavy. Mom’s mother was obese for most of her life and died at 56, due to complications from diabetes. My paternal grandmother was always heavy as well. My parents obviously saw the genetic tendency to gain weight manifesting itself in me at a very young age. Combined with the passion for food common my Italian-American families, it was a recipe for disaster. Mom monitored my weight closely because she didn’t want me to wind up like her mother, and (probably a bit out of rebellion, among other factors) I grew larger and larger the older I became.

When I was 18 and had never been kissed, something clicked and I decided to lose weight. I went from 276 pounds to 168. I looked amazing! Unfortunately, my main focus on that weight loss journey was to simply “get skinny.” I wasn’t concerned with building healthy eating patterns I could live with the rest of my life.

At 168 pounds, I was finally kissed—and wound up engaged to a man that was all wrong for me. After a rocky three-year relationship I never should have been in in the first place, I found out he was having an affair and called our wedding off a few short months before it was scheduled. I was devastated (stupidly) and the weight I had lost quickly piled back on.

Within two and a half years, I had gained back all of the weight I had lost, plus extra. My wonderful husband and I were dating, moving towards marriage and I weighed 299 pounds. We joined Weight Watchers together and I got down to 270ish. Then I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis and spent the next two plus years pretty much sick all the time and constantly going off and on steroids.

By the time my ulcerative colitis went into remission and I was able to get off the steroids, I’d ballooned to 316 pounds. I hated my body.

It’s been almost a year since then and I’m down to 266. My number is going to steadily go down. By this time next year, I hope to be down to 166 (OR LOWER) again. But this time, it’s coming off for good and I’m focusing on HEALTH, not just on becoming HOT! I’m going to be 30 next year and I plan on being HOT!